They’ll always hit you and hurt you
Defend and attack
Jumpers for goalposts, beans for tea. Football and food. Ron Manager, The Fast Show.
No one can believe it was 20 years ago. Or explain what we have done with our lives since.
But football matches and/or meals can be staging posts. I can, for example, tell you who Liverpool played on my wedding day (Man City, a 1-0 win at Maine Road, when City were more Alan Ball than today) and my first meal holidaying in the US (Denny’s, the waiter, bizarrely, asked if we were missing Margaret Thatcher, then prime minister).
There’s only one way to beat them
Get round the back
I am 6 years-old. In bed, not sleeping. My Mum screams downstairs:
“Give the ball to Barnes!”
England are losing to Argentina and the flawed genius of Maradona. Getting out of bed and returning to the TV, I reason:
“If my Mum is so animated about football, normal bedtime rules don’t apply.”
Catch me if you can
‘Cause I’m the England man
Crab cakes, blue crab cakes. Sun Kil Moon sing evocatively about them. Is this their memory or ours? Let’s share.
And what you’re looking at
Is the master plan
All the memories to come:
Sports bar shit. Sun Kil Moon sing about that too. On the same song that they reminisce about crab cakes. That – sports bar shit – isn’t us.
We’re not a sports bar. We try not to be shit. But, because it is a global staging post, we are showing the World Cup.
Non-intrusive small screen downstairs, bigger screen upstairs – with the upstairs available, if you are so inclined, to hire for World Cup parties.
Even if all our Mums scream, England are unlikely to win it. This isn’t about winning. It is not entirely, or even necessarily much at all, about football. It is about a shared moment that will be remembered for years.
And if football still isn’t your thing, food might be. Try having a moment with Salt & Earth instead.